4th day...is happiness coming?

I think I did a very good job today. I didn't cry at all for the whole day until my friend called. Sometimes I asked myself does money makes someone happy? If it can, then why I spent so much money these few months and I am not happy. Come to think about buying an mp3 for myself I think of him. I remembered last time he asked me to borrow him money to buy an mp4 player because he had not enough money to buy one. So I sponsored him partially. But I guess my mp4 player had been chucked into the rubbish bin in his lovely uni. Sometimes when I look at the photos in my laptop, I just felt like deleting it all. I just cannot because there are still memories of my other friends with me. Keeping those things in my laptop is like killing me. I often avoiding clicking on D drive because I am scared that I will click on the photos again like I always did. Sometimes I told my friends, " I am sad" but I never cry. They will think that my sadness had gone to another level where I couldn't cry anymore. In fact this feeling is the worst as I really never experience it before. Right now only I understand what is the feeling of being sad and cannot cry it out. That's why I am happy when I talked to my friends and cried it out. At least I can sleep and another day can come again=)