Neither happy nor sad

I was surprise when I open my mailbox today. When you thought something won't happen again, somehow it will happen and it did surprise me. He sent me an email. Forwarded email. For so long after the breakup, he never send me email even forwarded ones. I do not really understand sometimes. He did so many things to hurt me; block me on msn, don't care about me, refuse to reply my sms....and now he sent me a forwarded email. I didn't feel very happy as the past really cannot be erased and I wasn't sad too. The feeling was just normal. I really don't know what's on his mind. Even my request to be friends with him had been turned down by him last time, so what does he wants now?

Memories from songs.

I suddenly felt touched by the Boyzone song that I heard during the "Dance Uncensored" performance. I used to like Boyzone and now I still love their songs because listening back to their songs brings back happy memories from secondary school. Well, I guess people can be happy for many reasons. Sometimes very simple things in life like watching movie or eating with friends could make someone happy. From now onwards, I choose to be happy=)

Days are getting more interesting=)

Today when I went to lecture I really got a bit sad. I had allergies on my body again and this time quite serious. I don't know whether it's because of stress or fever that day. I thought I will be spending tonight like any other nights but to my surprise someone message me on msn and told me about an interesting blog. For the first time I saw myself being scolded like this. Plus the thing is she never let us know anything when we are discussing about the group project. Great! I shall never talk bad about her as I don't want to be one of her. Haha...and so I left a comment there, just to support what she wrote. Well, I think when a person is angry she needs someone to really support her and then she will calm down. So I think I did the right thing. Haha..seriously I am angry at that moment when I read this blog. But after that, I asked myself why angry. Haha..it's true that some people cannot be given a second chance. We had given her a second chance and now we hurt ourselves. Well, we don't know until we tried right? So girls I think we did the right thing by choosing her as a groupmate this time. The experience we get will never be forgotten. Let's celebrate!!!!

http://shakeyourbumbum.blogspot.com/2009/03/target-board.html
(for those who are interested to see what the blog is about pls copy and paste the above link,thank you)

Friendship>him

I think it was a good idea to exercise as it makes me tired after exercising and fresh after taking a nap. I was thinking of him again when I went for the tech crew interview today and therefore I bring my book to read. I realize that the motivation and initiative to join a committee to learn technical things are not there already. Previously we were very keen to join and was very scared whether the comm's head will accept us into the committee or not. Things are different now. People tend to take things for granted and now it's like the other way round; that is we have to persuade people to join the comm.
Well for me I am really proud that I was once a tech crew member and I would hope to see that the comm would be one of the holiday comms which had the most people signing up.
At last today I realize that there is really something in this world that is more important than him. I almost make a friend angry today and I am really glad that he is not. And at that moment when I thought that I made him upset all the thoughts about him just disappear in my mind.

And that 'something' that is more important than him is FRIENDSHIP.

Felt like asking my friends to be angry with me when I thought of him...haha=p

Agony

Just noticed that he had blocked me in msn.
People are really strange creatures.
They tend to say things that they don't mean it.
He said that it's alright to be friends after the breakup and yet he blocked me on msn.
I said that after breakup we cannot be friends again and yet I felt like contacting him again.
Sometimes rather not speak because I tend to not stick to what I had told myself.
Today is a disappointing day.
I agree that at one point of time I was angry with what he had did to me and that was absolutely good as it really makes me stay strong and step out of unhappiness.
Today is a different story.
I didn't bear the grudge anymore and yet I wish the best for him in everything, truly from my heart.


.......and that's what makes me stuck in agony again.

To choose between guilty or sad

I thought I couldn't finish my exam today but I did. The test came out not to be as hard as I thought. Surprisingly this time when I was having my exam I didn't really think of what answers to put in and wasn't panic at all. Guess I already had the thought that I am going to fail that exam that's why I could just scribble something inside.

I don't like rainy days. I makes me moody the whole day thinking of the negative things. Sometimes I felt not good to always stick to my friends as I had already consumed a lot of their time. There are very good people who often accompany me here and there. But I just felt like somehow I am wasting their time and felt guilty after that. I want to tag along with someone as I don't want to be alone. These few days I had been alone inside my room and a lot of things crossed my mind. When I served the net I always got the intention to look for his news either friendster or facebook. Hmmm...at the end of the day I either felt guilty of wasting my friend's time or sad of thinking of him. Both won't make me feel good.

....cried again

Alcohol can really make one depressed. Actually after that day, I wasn't so focused on my problem anymore. But when yesterday we drank while talking, I felt so depressed and cried a lot during the drinking session with friends. The emotion really continues until today. I felt so depressed and sad over that matter again. But for while I am ok again. The feeling comes on and off... when I said I am depressed I really mean it. And that's when I will massive sms or msn to seek for help. No more alcohol anymore for one year!

Lonely nights

These few nights I had problems getting to sleep. Back then, during nights like that I would sms him and told him that I couldn't sleep and he will accompany me all night either through phone calls or sms. I admit that I got a little sad these few nights of having not enough sleep but the other part of me feel happy as there were activities at night to keep me occupied; bazaar and also Wu Teng's birthday. I am glad that there were still friends around for me during these sleepless nights. I think they really fill the emptiness in my heart. He told me that he wants to forget all the happy times that we had together and I think may be I should do that also as it really had no benefit for me for remembering those. Are there any ways to extract some memories out of mind?

Punctuality is the essence of life

I dislike people for being not punctual and unfortunately the environment I am in now is of this kind. I got so tired after today's lesson and frankly speaking I haven't have a good sleep since Monday night until now. We waited there for almost and hour and they were still there looking for double sided tape. After waiting for at least 2 hours we finally get to START our job. I think this really isn't a good working attitude. I predicted that they will be late today and therefore I purposely went down to the hall 10minutes later but still they could let us to enjoy the 1 hour waiting time.

I admit that I had a very good day today. Meeting friends from the Chemistry Department makes me really happy. I do enjoy their company and although we seldom meet, we had a lot to talk. I still remembered the times where we used to study in PGP canteen throughout the day. Well, I think I should just stay here and don't go back to Ipoh for a period of time because the memories and the people here could really make the sad feelings fade. Hope it will go away one day=)

The chain reaction

Finally finished worrying about my cca points as I now have enough cca points to stay already. The chinese society exco had actually left me out and forgot to key in the points for me. In fact now I had got more than enough I think. I spent my day doing all photo comm things today. Duty and then luncheon album. I hate the luncheon album very much. It takes me hours to finish putting and sorting out the pictures. Well, at least today I finished up everything including printing and pasting the album title.

I would say I can only do these things for photo comm. Sometimes I would even think that it would be better if last time I didn't promise Ming Jun to be his vice head. Actually I am not that into photography. I did it and pick it as my interest because of him. He likes to take pictures and I want to experience and share with him the joy of taking photographs. Now that I am not with him already, I kind of giving up photography. I felt sorry to everyone including my members because they had a vice head who doesn't really like photography.

I think the astrologist of this year is really accurate. I really had an unlucky year. One thing comes after another. When I was hungry and thought of cooking for supper, I realise that my eggs gone missing. I think my bad luck is really a chain reaction. It couldn't stop. The sequence goes like this:

Losing him--> not enough points to stay hall--> eggs got stolen when hungry

I don't know what will happen next. Hope it really won't get worse. I guess I will just sleep now and hope for a better tomorrow.

Rabbit has got bad luck this year!!

I don't really believe in zodiac in the previous year and this year I think I should. Things are not getting better in my life. After some incident that happened that day, I finally think that I should forget him even how much I love him. We cannot be together again and my real letting go point starts from that day. I am picking myself up these few days. Loading myself with tonnes of work to keep myself occupied.

I think I really had an unfortunate year. When my cca points are out, I finally could experience the feeling that people would when they know that they do not have enough points to stay in hall. My friends told me that I could stay in RVR or other residence. But the point is I just don't want to be away from them. I had already lost someone in my life and I do not want to feel lonely again. Well, I just hope that everything will work out fine in the end.